Day 7 of 2015 and probably “so far so good” with your New Year’s resolutions. You are feeling good, disciplined, and on the right track. What happens to you next Monday when you are back in your second week at work, driving children to school again and plunging into a familiar routine? How do you plan to keep this optimism going for longer than a few more days or weeks or a month? If you are Orthodox, you get a second chance next week, if you are not, maybe a good time to tweak your resolution?
Resolutions are about priorities and as we all know, we need to prioritise in order to reach our goals. Through Life Coaching, I have really learned and understood this process and especially, to notice the impact multitasking has on me and my surroundings. What happens to you when you are doing too much at once? What do you notice?
My signals are clear; sore shoulders and neck, my posture slouches, I lose eye contact with whoever I am speaking, I eat too fast, I don’t smile, my answers are brief and I become quite bitchy – not good for anyone! What are your signals?
When juggling all your balls, you need to decide which one matters the most, just like in Life Coaching. You don’t want to just check a box after a workout or after drinking 1 litre of water or after having made small talk with a colleague, so you can feel good about yourself. Or maybe you do?
Do you want a REAL long lasting change with a clear impact?
Here are my 7 suggestions for REALLY keeping a resolution:
The choice is yours. Pick just one ball and focus on it and imagine where you will be in 3 months, 6 months and 1 year from now. How will that look like and feel like?
Any thoughts or comments, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Yesterday I was invited to speak on “Living and Thinking Out of the Box”, one of the foundations of Life Coaching. It is fair to say that most of us have a box or boxes that we choose to live in, retreat in, create in. It can vary from a house space, to an office space, to a mental space.
In Life Coaching, we use a lot of visualisation. I asked all the participants to take a moment and to visualise their box and to describe a feeling, in one word. Mixed reactions; “safe, happy, familiar, prison, mine, limiting, boring, peaceful, predictable, grounding, suffocating.” I then asked to describe the feeling of stepping out of the comfort zone and the reactions were also mixed; “freedom, risk, uncomfortable, adventure, inexperience, uncertainty, fear, anxiety, scary, butterflies in stomach, unknown.”
Leaving one’s comfort zone is not always easy and for some it simply is daunting and a huge challenge. Others, may not even be aware they are in a box. How many colleagues do you know who seem stagnate or stuck and have difficulties moving forward at work? How can you encourage them? Sometimes that is simply what they need, encouragement, another foundation in Life Coaching.
Five Tips to Empower Your Colleagues:
Curiosity: visualisation is a great tool to understand emotions and thoughts, become curious about their box and listen to their reactions.
Transparency: by sharing with them the big picture and goals, you provide encouragement and energy for them to take the first steps out.
Practice Risk: instead of them focusing on the outcomes, highlight their awareness of working in THIS moment, now.
Creativity: allow your colleagues to be creative and find new ways of solving problems. This will give them a sense of ownership, confidence and they will feel value.
Authenticity: set the example by doing it, not just saying it. Be yourself.
Ask yourself, what is it to be encouraging?
After my coaching session yesterday, I drove my children to a Halloween party, at the school, along the usual dark 2 lane road, busy with 17.30 traffic. A tailgater unnecessarily overtook me. I had to brake, so that he could squeeze in, without causing a serious accident ahead. He overtook the next car and my daughter asked “what is he doing? Is is worth it?” Traffic slowed down due to a bus, and the tailgater was just 2 cars ahead of me. He signaled left, to turn into the school parking lot. Having depicted children’s silhouettes, we wondered who this parent was, but left it at that.
Still in my coaching mindset, my curiosity turned to speed and is it worth the risk? With speed and risk, we get things done, we build, we achieve, we fail and we learn. We feel adrenaline, excitement, anxiety, confidence and fear and with this, we seem to gain even more speed and want more, just like this driver.
As we speed from one thing to the next, how much are we living “in the moment?” How can slowing down influence our lives, our health, our careers, our relationships and our risks? Most times, we don’t even realise how many opportunities we missed or how many people we have hurt unintentionally because we are speeding. Doing, doing, doing, and what about being, being NOW? Awareness, laughing, smiling, breathing, listening, noticing, sharing, loving, crying, smelling.
Imagine your life just 10% slower, what would that look like? Now imagine your life 50% slower.
What keeps you from slowing down and what is the risk to you?
I challenge you to “be in the moment” for 20 minutes and watch one of my favourite TED talks by Carl Honore’s “In Praise of Slowness.” A good reminder for us all and a goal to aim for.
What happens at work or at home when you have doubts, questions, uncertainties about something? Many of us turn to a friend, family member, confident or a colleague. You may not be aware of it, but each one of us has a powerful resource within, that we can refer to as our Captain.
Your Captain is your Inner Authority, a forward looking visionary who is in charge and leads you where you want to go, both professionally and personally. Your Captain’s key attributes are; courage, determination, clarity, empathy and insight. Your Captain is there, whenever you need it, no matter what the situation or feeling is. Your Captain is grounded, daring, patient, caring, encouraging, loving and is fully dedicated to you, and only you.
Another great thing about your Captain is that it is a Saboteur buster (see Blog Who is Your Saboteur?).
So, how can you tap into this Captain of yours and make a connection? Your Captain does not necessarily need to be a person, it can also be an animal or an object.
Four Effective Steps to Connect with your Captain:
1) Values: Who or what in your life do you admire or find inspiration from? Which of their values attract you? Name this Captain.
2) Visualise: What does this Captain look like? Sound like? Move like? Smell like? Feel like?
3) Notice: What stands out about your Captain? What is it like being with your Captain? Notice your reactions
4) Gift: Your Captain has a gift, what is it? Name it, try to bring it to life and hold onto it.
This is your Inner Authority, the leader within you. Your Captain believes in you totally and knows how to move you forward and into action towards your goal. Whenever you are stuck with a challenge, tap into your Captain first and then your other resources, if needed.
Curious about a new perspective and finding out more about your Captain? Contact me for some coaching and we will make your Captain come to life!
I have many people asking me how I became a Life Coach. Since I am a believer of short blogs, this is my executive summary: I knew nothing at all about Life Coaching until I became a guinea pig for a friend in training. She told me to come with a goal, issue, challenge that was present in my life, at that time. My issue (which seems never-ending!) was patience vs impatience, specifically vis-a-vis of our three children (eldest being 9-10 years old back then).
Setting: Kitchen in the evening
Issue: My daughter refusing to go to bed
20.30: Me (soft, relaxed voice) : “Time to go upstairs, it is getting late.”
Daughter: “ I don’t want to go upstairs.”
20.40: Me (soft, less relaxed voice): “Come on, please go upstairs.
Daughter: “No, I don’t want too.”
20.45: (nostrils flaring, voice tensing up): “ Enough now, time to GO upstairs please.
Daughter: “I said NO, I don’t want too!”
20.46: (I feel the impatience creeping up on me, adrenaline kicking in)
20.47: (I stop what I am doing and begin taking deeper breaths facing a wall)
20.48: Me (my blood boils, I can’t take it anymore and I explode): “ That’s it! Now get upstairs right now! This game is over!”
Daughter: “ What do you mean a game? It’s not a game! What are you talking about?!” (with a cocky look).
20.49: Me (I grab her pencil and paper and with determination, point the way upstairs, feeling my face totally flushed). Urggg!
Coach: “So what are you doing when she sits in the kitchen drawing and looking around?”
Me: (a bit surprised and irritated by the question) “Well, I am clearing the dishes from dinner, cleaning the kitchen, storing leftovers, setting up for breakfast etc…”
Coach: “ What happens if you stopped doing what you’re doing for 5-10 minutes?”
Me: (pausing and thinking calmly): “Well nothing, really.”
Coach: “ What is needed in this situation?”
Me: (an “ah-ha moment” ): “Sitting down with my daughter at the table and giving her my full attention.”
I sat at the table with my daughter, we talked for 5 minutes until she gave me a kiss and went upstairs. I continued sitting there in silence, stunned by what happened, realised that the answer was within me and clearly understood the power of shifting your perspective and seeing life from a different angle – complete awareness! This was just the tip of the iceberg and coaching opened my eyes wide.
(c) 2018 Anna Jankovich, all rights reserved.