In the last 3 years, my goal was to write 1 blog every month. I was consistent, disciplined and felt control over my own agenda, wishing to inspire as many readers as possible and provoke thoughts. My last blog was five months ago when I wrote about the impact of not having regrets in life, inspired by the sudden passing away of my beloved father. Since then…nothing, no control.
Grieving has taken me into an unknown place and so far, it has been a revealing phase in my life. A phase of not being in control. Not being able to control sudden waves of emotions, feeling fragile, vulnerable, loosing focus and concentration and having difficulties making any decisions. It feels like the word “control” is being replaced by the words “letting it go”, a concept which I usually would not embrace so easily but is beginning to feel familiar.
Do I like it? Not sure but I do notice that I don’t dislike it.
In the last months, my gears have shifted from first to second and now to third. I miss giving workshops, coaching, networking and developing projects, however, I feel I am not able to perform at my best and I cannot control that. Instead of feeling frustrated, giving myself permission to letting go and being kind to myself is helping me.
(c) 2018 Anna Jankovich, all rights reserved.