How do you react to feedback? Do you accept it, flee it or fight it?
This is the time of the year where evaluations and bonuses take place in companies, report cards from schools come home and many couples, families and friends reconnect by sharing thoughts and feedback with each other.
Years ago, on the receiving end of feedback, I remember feeling anxious, insecure, developing sweaty hands, heart beat racing. On the outside, I tried to come across confident, had answers ready to questions I did not know and wanted to appear in control.
Few years later on the giving end, time was my challenge, my attitude was more top to bottom, I gave little space to the other and did not acknowledge enough. Then, I felt I had managed a good evaluation.
We all grow with years and experience but now, as a Life Coach, I have tools I wish I had had back then, as I received and gave feedback.
Just like in Life Coaching, the aim of feedbacks is to achieve goals, to look forward and to get what you want. You are open for change and improvement. It is not about personality but about behaviour. It is not about looking back, re-assessing and giving both sides negative energy. Feedback is constructive, not destructive, it’s not an attack, it’s a gift.
Perspectives play quite a role in feedback. How you see something or someone is not necessarily how the other person sees it. When we are in a perspective on an issue, we have an opinion, an assumption and expectations. A perspective is a powerful filter that allows us to see things a certain way. If something is not part of that perspective, it is invisible or invalid and that can be very limiting and this is where you can help.
Giving and receiving feedback is an important part of communication, be it at home, at work or anywhere else. How it is communicated is as important and here are some of my Life Coaching tools that you may find valuable.
Six Tools for GIVING feedback:
Six Tools for RECEIVING feedback:
So with your next feedback, give it and take it as a gift. What will you do with that gift?
“ We need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” Bill Gates
What happens at work or at home when you have doubts, questions, uncertainties about something? Many of us turn to a friend, family member, confident or a colleague. You may not be aware of it, but each one of us has a powerful resource within, that we can refer to as our Captain.
Your Captain is your Inner Authority, a forward looking visionary who is in charge and leads you where you want to go, both professionally and personally. Your Captain’s key attributes are; courage, determination, clarity, empathy and insight. Your Captain is there, whenever you need it, no matter what the situation or feeling is. Your Captain is grounded, daring, patient, caring, encouraging, loving and is fully dedicated to you, and only you.
Another great thing about your Captain is that it is a Saboteur buster (see Blog Who is Your Saboteur?).
So, how can you tap into this Captain of yours and make a connection? Your Captain does not necessarily need to be a person, it can also be an animal or an object.
Four Effective Steps to Connect with your Captain:
1) Values: Who or what in your life do you admire or find inspiration from? Which of their values attract you? Name this Captain.
2) Visualise: What does this Captain look like? Sound like? Move like? Smell like? Feel like?
3) Notice: What stands out about your Captain? What is it like being with your Captain? Notice your reactions
4) Gift: Your Captain has a gift, what is it? Name it, try to bring it to life and hold onto it.
This is your Inner Authority, the leader within you. Your Captain believes in you totally and knows how to move you forward and into action towards your goal. Whenever you are stuck with a challenge, tap into your Captain first and then your other resources, if needed.
Curious about a new perspective and finding out more about your Captain? Contact me for some coaching and we will make your Captain come to life!
(c) 2018 Anna Jankovich, all rights reserved.