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Can You Slow Down?

2015. 04. 06.
Anna Jankovich
Anna Jankovich
Coaching Transitions
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What Keeps You From Slowing Down?

 

slowing-down

 

Last week was an incredibly busy week and felt like I was speeding everywhere to get things done (I even wonder if that caused my flat tire). I was making some quick decisions and taking some risks as I ticked off the boxes from my list. “Slow down,” I heard a little voice inside me say.

This Easter long weekend, my daily pace slowed down by 80% and I found myself yawning, staring into space, empty thoughts, lounging and simply enjoying being with my family in our house in the countryside.  As I opened the curtains one morning, three deers grazed close by and for a few minutes, my world went into slow-motion and it was simply lovely.  Actually, I then noticed that many hours during the weekend simply went into slow motion.  My curiosity turned to speed and I wondered is it worth the risks, the stress, the exhaustion?

With speed and risk, we get things done, we build, we achieve, we fail and we learn.  We feel the adrenaline, excitement, anxiety, confidence and fear and with this, we seem to gain even more speed and want more.

As we speed from one thing to the next, how much are we living “in the moment?” How can slowing down influence our lives, our health, our careers, our relationships and our risks?  Most times, we don’t even realise how many opportunities we missed or how many people we have hurt unintentionally because we are speeding.  Doing, doing, doing and what about being, being being NOW? Awareness, laughing, smiling, breathing, listening, noticing, sharing, loving, crying, smelling.

Imagine your life just 10% slower, what would that look like? Now imagine your life 50% slower.

After a long weekend, I challenge you to be “now, in the moment” for 20 minutes and watch one of my favorite TED talks by Carl Honore’s “In Praise of Slowness.” A good reminder for us all and goal to aim for.

What keeps you from slowing down and what is that risk to you?

 

 

 

How to Feel Empowered in an Argument

2014. 11. 30.
Anna Jankovich
Anna Jankovich
Coaching Transitions
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“How to keep calm in an argument is one of those lessons in life we should have been taught in school,” a client of mine recently said, as he struggled with a colleague at work.  Helas, most of us find out the hard way by actually not keeping calm and letting the argument spiral downwards leading to a negative outcome.

keep-calm-and-feel-empowered

His remark struck an instant cord with me, as I have been one of these emotional, lashing-out types, which I have blamed on my Russian blood and my French impatience (need to blame it on something!).  When I flared up,  I was convinced of what I was saying and the louder I got, the more I thought my message would be stronger.  Then a few years ago, at the same time I was discovering Life Coaching, I was on the receiving end and being lashed out at.  I was struck by the nastiness of it and actually felt empathy for that person.  I began seeing an argument from another angle.

Arguments can happen anywhere; work, home, families, taxis, shops, airports, restaurants and in any language.  Arguments don’t work; they are destructive, negative, exhausting, emotional, unresolved, hurtful and SUCH A WASTE OF TIME!

Take a moment and think back at an argument you had and remember that feeling. Step into it – what was your body language? How did you sound? What emotions were stirring?

Life Coaching has helped many of us tremendously in the last years to look at an argument from a different angle. Instead of the familiar “emotional, lashing out perspective,” I now automatically choose the “calm perspective.”  On the rare occasion I feel a heated discussion rising, I am immediately aware of my own being and I know how I want to be.

Here are 10 Tools to Help Keep You Calm 

  1. Breathing: this gives you a few seconds to be calm, listen and gather your thoughts.
  2. Listening: if you are thinking what is the next thing you want to say, then you are not listening.
  3. Hearing: Hear your own words and listen consciously to what you are saying.
  4. Never Shout: when shouting you lose control and it is hard to think clearly.
  5. Body Language: stay open like your mind, sit/stand grounded, look at the person in the eyes, avoid crossed arms, frowning, pointing, keep your focus on them                                                                                                                             (TIP: if looking in the eyes is difficult for you, look in between the other person’s eyes…it looks as though you are staring right at them, but you are not!)
  6. Avoid Scolding: insults are the ultimate tool of ignorance!
  7. Space: hold that space to let the other “get it all out.”
  8. Drop Your Ego: forget your ego and aim for a “win-win” situation, which could be compromise
  9. Your Captain (read more http://annajankovich.com/2014/10/captain/): what is your inner authority telling you?
  10. Permission: ask permission to not be interrupted while you speak

 

Two More Things to Remember:

  • Don’t use a present argument to list all the misconducts from the past, do you want to be dragged back in the past?
  • Lashing out is a way of someone expressing how they really feel and shows a total lack of self-control. By staying calm, YOU empower yourself.

Who do you want to be in your next argument?

What Keeps You From Slowing Down?

2014. 11. 01.
Anna Jankovich
Anna Jankovich
Coaching Transitions
0 comment(s)

After  my coaching session yesterday, I drove my children to a Halloween party, at the school, along the usual dark 2 lane road, busy with 17.30 traffic.  A tailgater unnecessarily overtook me.  I had to brake, so that he could squeeze in, without causing a serious accident ahead.  He overtook the next car and my daughter asked “what is he doing? Is is worth it?”  Traffic slowed down due to a bus, and the tailgater was just 2 cars ahead of me. He signaled left, to turn into the school parking lot.  Having depicted children’s silhouettes, we wondered who this parent was, but left it at that.

Still in my coaching mindset, my curiosity turned to speed and is it worth the risk?  With speed and risk, we get things done, we build, we achieve, we fail and we learn.  We feel adrenaline, excitement, anxiety, confidence and fear and with this, we seem to gain even more speed and want more, just like this driver.

As we speed from one thing to the next, how much are we living “in the moment?” How can slowing down influence our lives, our health, our careers, our relationships and our risks?  Most times, we don’t even realise how many opportunities we missed or how many people we have hurt unintentionally because we are speeding.  Doing, doing, doing, and what about being, being NOW? Awareness, laughing, smiling, breathing, listening, noticing, sharing, loving, crying, smelling.

Imagine your life just 10% slower, what would that look like?  Now imagine your life 50% slower.

What keeps you from slowing down and what is the risk to you?

I challenge you to “be in the moment” for 20 minutes and watch one of my favourite TED talks by Carl Honore’s “In Praise of Slowness.” A good reminder for us all and a goal to aim for.