As I began writing tomorrow’s coaching blog on the curiosity of Mindfulness, I got totally distracted at the the thought of how much I was enjoying being home alone without my husband and children for the last 2 days. Here I am on a Friday night, sitting on our favourite sunken couch, in front of a roaring fire with a Kir Royal, listening to Spotify from my computer, having just had a coaching sample session on Skype.
What am I noticing? My coaching, awareness and curiosity kicks in. The silence in the house, the smell of the fireplace, the sound of the crackling wood, my breathing, my heartbeat, my slouching posture, the bubbles bursting in my mouth and how utterly relaxed I feel and connected to myself.
My husband has sent me a great photo of his walk with the kids in pouring rain, my daughter called me a few times during my Skype coaching session and we SMSd each other goodnight, I know they are all well with their grandparents and they know I am well at home.
There are a few of perspectives one could have to this;
Guilty perspective: feeling bad that I chose not stay in the countryside longer with my family, spending more time with our children during this school break, catching up with my parents-in-law, supporting my husband by taking more interest in his farming challenges due to bad weather. Maybe I should have stayed? My Saboteur is awake.
Me perspective: I am happy that I returned home, had quality time with the children at the beginning of the holidays, I smile looking back at our 35 km biking trip we all did along the Danube on Monday, loved our DVD family evening last weekend. I am feeling happy, satisfied, loved, totally relaxed and living at my pace. Can’t wait for them to pick me up tomorrow to go out for lunch together!
Achievement perspective: In an empty house, I spent hours cleaning and sorting piles, removing all expired foods, spices, vinegars from the cupboards, did a huge food shopping, worked on a new script for my website’s video, caught up on emails, read many articles and had a couple of sample sessions. I am energised, I feel I have achieved so much, I am proud and I don’t need to roll my eyes when I see a pile of “stuff” lying around (long may that last!).
The reaction I chose is the “me perspective.” As a parent, we have so much to juggle everyday and our challenge is to keep those balls in the air always going. The last 2 days reminded me to put those balls down, rest my arms, my eyes, my head and take time for me. I am aware that not everyone has a similar opportunity, so find a space which is yours and only yours, close the door, and connect with yourself, even if it is for a short time.
We make choices every day in our lives, but some can be made consciously. To be aware of choices is to be aware of the power of choosing. You are fully in charge of your choices!
To discover that power, contact me for a coaching session and you can expect your awareness to be boosted and more….
What happens at work or at home when you have doubts, questions, uncertainties about something? Many of us turn to a friend, family member, confident or a colleague. You may not be aware of it, but each one of us has a powerful resource within, that we can refer to as our Captain.
Your Captain is your Inner Authority, a forward looking visionary who is in charge and leads you where you want to go, both professionally and personally. Your Captain’s key attributes are; courage, determination, clarity, empathy and insight. Your Captain is there, whenever you need it, no matter what the situation or feeling is. Your Captain is grounded, daring, patient, caring, encouraging, loving and is fully dedicated to you, and only you.
Another great thing about your Captain is that it is a Saboteur buster (see Blog Who is Your Saboteur?).
So, how can you tap into this Captain of yours and make a connection? Your Captain does not necessarily need to be a person, it can also be an animal or an object.
Four Effective Steps to Connect with your Captain:
1) Values: Who or what in your life do you admire or find inspiration from? Which of their values attract you? Name this Captain.
2) Visualise: What does this Captain look like? Sound like? Move like? Smell like? Feel like?
3) Notice: What stands out about your Captain? What is it like being with your Captain? Notice your reactions
4) Gift: Your Captain has a gift, what is it? Name it, try to bring it to life and hold onto it.
This is your Inner Authority, the leader within you. Your Captain believes in you totally and knows how to move you forward and into action towards your goal. Whenever you are stuck with a challenge, tap into your Captain first and then your other resources, if needed.
Curious about a new perspective and finding out more about your Captain? Contact me for some coaching and we will make your Captain come to life!
I have many people asking me how I became a Life Coach. Since I am a believer of short blogs, this is my executive summary: I knew nothing at all about Life Coaching until I became a guinea pig for a friend in training. She told me to come with a goal, issue, challenge that was present in my life, at that time. My issue (which seems never-ending!) was patience vs impatience, specifically vis-a-vis of our three children (eldest being 9-10 years old back then).
Setting: Kitchen in the evening
Issue: My daughter refusing to go to bed
20.30: Me (soft, relaxed voice) : “Time to go upstairs, it is getting late.”
Daughter: “ I don’t want to go upstairs.”
20.40: Me (soft, less relaxed voice): “Come on, please go upstairs.
Daughter: “No, I don’t want too.”
20.45: (nostrils flaring, voice tensing up): “ Enough now, time to GO upstairs please.
Daughter: “I said NO, I don’t want too!”
20.46: (I feel the impatience creeping up on me, adrenaline kicking in)
20.47: (I stop what I am doing and begin taking deeper breaths facing a wall)
20.48: Me (my blood boils, I can’t take it anymore and I explode): “ That’s it! Now get upstairs right now! This game is over!”
Daughter: “ What do you mean a game? It’s not a game! What are you talking about?!” (with a cocky look).
20.49: Me (I grab her pencil and paper and with determination, point the way upstairs, feeling my face totally flushed). Urggg!
Coach: “So what are you doing when she sits in the kitchen drawing and looking around?”
Me: (a bit surprised and irritated by the question) “Well, I am clearing the dishes from dinner, cleaning the kitchen, storing leftovers, setting up for breakfast etc…”
Coach: “ What happens if you stopped doing what you’re doing for 5-10 minutes?”
Me: (pausing and thinking calmly): “Well nothing, really.”
Coach: “ What is needed in this situation?”
Me: (an “ah-ha moment” ): “Sitting down with my daughter at the table and giving her my full attention.”
I sat at the table with my daughter, we talked for 5 minutes until she gave me a kiss and went upstairs. I continued sitting there in silence, stunned by what happened, realised that the answer was within me and clearly understood the power of shifting your perspective and seeing life from a different angle – complete awareness! This was just the tip of the iceberg and coaching opened my eyes wide.
Ever notice when you have a good idea, a new project or an inspirational thought, that your Inner Critic, your Saboteur, wakes up and provokes you to think: ‘ I can’t run that’, ‘I’m too old’, ‘no one will be interested’, ‘I’m wasting people’s time’.” Before I knew anything about Coaching, I was unaware of the power of this Critic. Now that I am Coaching on a daily basis, I see Saboteurs affecting over 80% of my client’s plans and goals. Together we create the tools needed to get rid of these Critics.
I soon understood that preserving the status quo is part of the Saboteur’s job. The bigger our ideas and dreams, the more weight the Saboteurs will put on us. Saboteurs love to give us reasons why our thought is stupid, dangerous, ridiculous, useless, waste of time. What they are equally good at, is twisting a small part of the truth and creating a cover-up for stopping or goal or never letting us start it.
So here I am, at the age of 46, and I now know how to to recognise and deal with my own Saboteur…wish I had known about this perspective years ago!
Three Ways I Began Work with My Saboteur:
1) Awareness: how many times a day have I stopped myself from following through on an exciting project or idea? How many missed opportunities is that?
2) Asked Myself: who is this Inner Critic? What does it look like? How does it move? Does it have a smell? How can I describe this voice? I visualised it, really visualised it.
3) Named it: Naming it helped me deal with it directly – no one else needs to know!
These are just three of the several ways that can help you begin identifying your own Saboteur. Remember this…we are ALWAYS smarter, stronger, wiser and more resourceful than our Saboteurs!
(c) 2018 Anna Jankovich, all rights reserved.